How Do You Decline Unsolicited Parenting Advice?

Are you the type of parent who constantly feels like outsiders are telling them what to do?

When you're a parent, you may feel like you're the only one who knows what they're doing, and it can be difficult when other people try to teach you how to do things. There are several ways to gently dismiss unsolicited parenting advice.

When you become a parent, people's well-intentioned but second-hand pieces of advice will start coming at you like a tonne of bricks.

People from all walks of life, including complete strangers, will have opinions on how you should parent your child or children.

While we may have been taught to listen to the opinions of those more experienced than ourselves, as parents, we usually know best.

Of course, it's important to keep an open mind while hearing what other people did with their kids 20 years ago, before the Internet and organic food options; nevertheless, there are methods to gracefully dismiss anyone who is a little too insistent.

A mother's natural confidence and lack of scruples may be among these changes.

Because you will undoubtedly receive unsolicited parenting advice along your trip, read on to learn several polite methods to dismiss such suggestions.

What's important to keep in mind is that you can't control the way other people react. And if they take you seriously, make sure they know it by making serious eye contact with them. Congratulations on becoming a parent.

How to Deal With Unsolicited Advice

Express Your Agreement With a Smile and a Nod.

The traditional "just nod and grin" ploy. Most folks won't mind if you say this to them. How could they possibly?

They think you agree with their suggestions because you said so. You can't be held accountable for what other people think.

All that is expected of you is to have a fulfilling life that puts you in a good place (mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually) to raise your child in the way that works best for you and your family.

You have the most in-depth familiarity with them. Feel free to tune out the other person's arguments while politely nodding and smiling.

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Just Say “Oh, I’ve Heard of That” in Response.

That's the kind of response you always hear. Since the other person is much than likely to have gained this insight from personal experience, they will feel validated and heard in this exchange.

As parents, it is essential to keep in mind that people's words are typically spoken with the best of intentions.

No one wishes for you to fail as a parent, but many parents think they know best for their own children.

I've heard that one and other comparable comments will suffice to get the task done. Next,

If You Prefer Not To, Please Explain Why.

You are welcome to elaborate on the reasons you will not be following their recommendations.

The decision to not feed your child red meat out of religious convictions or to enrol him in ballet classes despite being of the opposite gender is entirely yours to make as a parent.

Obviously thinking about your kid's safety is a priority. You may, however, limit your responses to, "It appears to have been a successful strategy for your kid. This option might not work for me or us."

It is appropriate and polite to reply either briefly or extensively. Not even a "thanks, but no thanks" would suffice. In our opinion, that also qualifies as courteous.

Respond With “Okay, I’ll Take That Into Consideration!”

Another round of verification. Let us not ramble.

Let the other person know that you will examine what they have said, whether it be their advice on how to raise their children or a method they read about on the Internet.

Amazing courtesy! You have not only heard their story but are considering putting their methods to use.

You are keeping an open mind without compromising your values and principles to satisfy someone who is not a member of your immediate family, regardless of whether you end up following this advice or not. That was a very good effort.

Give Them an Update on How Things Really Have Changed

What a joy it is when the old offer us words of wisdom or make comments like, "My mother would never let me do that at their age."

So, Mom probably didn't have the internet at her fingertips as our kids do.

Due to the high student-to-teacher ratios prevalent in public schools, a growing number of families are opting to teach their children at home instead.

Giving 10-year-olds cellphones is done out of concern for their safety, not because we want to "spoil" them.

You can be as forthright as you like without fear of offending anyone. When people lie, they act impolitely.

It's fine to let them know that society has evolved and that you need to adapt your parenting style accordingly if your children are to become respectful adults and valuable members of tomorrow's society.

You Should Stress That Your Children Are Not Their Responsibility.

Having trusted friends and family members around to address parenting-related issues is a huge help.

However, it can be both overwhelming and uncalled for when advice is thrown at you from all angles that you haven't specifically asked for.

That being the case, it's important to remind them whose offspring they are. Who gets to pick them up from school and help shape them into the kind, compassionate adults they are destined to become.

Why? Because, oh my goodness. It's fortunate for you that they fall under your purview rather than theirs.

Act like you're pointing to a friend behind them. After that, leave the area.

A little white lie here and there won't hurt anyone, so go ahead and indulge. The person hiding behind Jane could have been your long-lost relative!

And if all else fails, you'll want a simple way out of the unpleasant conversation you're having right now.

Do you have a well-meaning friend who is concerned about your child's weight and who has offered to help you create a meal plan to help your child gain weight? We think we spy your best friend off on the horizon.

Is your mother worried about your weight and suggesting an ideal exercise using your newborn as an alternative to discipline?

There's a chance that Dad's calling from the kitchen. Just. Leave. Toxic Talk.

The greatest act of courtesy you can pay yourself is to treat yourself well. If you need to, you can leave.

Laugh It off as Something “That Would Never Work With [Insert Name Here]!”

In all seriousness though, you are truthful. And in spite of what has been said, keep things as easygoing as possible.

Not just for the sake of your own future offspring, but for the sake of everyone.

In order to inspire them to follow in your footsteps, you must demonstrate the self-assurance, resolve, and strength of character that you hope they will develop.

Laugh it off if someone gives you some ridiculous piece of advise.

Tears are acceptable. Whatever comes to mind at the time, even "That would never work with my child!" is a valid response.

Not only will this serve as a helpful reminder that you, as the parent, know your child best, but it will also give you the confidence to assert yourself when necessary.

Because, hey, you're a fantastic parent, and your methods of raising your kid are totally OK.

Avoid Responding to Their Attempts to Contact You

It's acceptable to screen calls if you feel it's necessary to meet your own requirements, such as avoiding a potentially toxic circumstance.

We understand that there are more important things to do than answer that call or text from your parents, doctor, or friend when you know an uncomfortable conversation is waiting for you on the other end.

Keep in mind that you're a parent. They will get it. You'll be relieved you did.

Say Thanks to Them

Simply saying "thank you" can go a long way.

A simple "thank you" can go a long way towards showing someone they've been heard and appreciated, even if the decision to use their suggestions ultimately rests with the parent.

You don't need to give any explanations, explain why you went another way, or use the "I've got something better to do right now" b.s.

They've given you good advise, so you can thank them and go on. Remember that you, and no one else, are responsible for the decisions that affect your life.

For What Reason Do Well-Intentioned People Offer Unsolicited Parenting Advice?

Why do strangers always feel the need to peer into your stroller? Just know that their good intentions are motivated by their affection for you.

However, there is more to life than just love. Furthermore, security should be considered. As an added bonus, perhaps one of the many people offering assistance will have some insight that will prove useful.

Many times, experts say, advisors just want their parenting approach validated.

Complaints such as, "You're not giving him cereal yet?" are an example of indirect criticism. Or, "It seems like such a hassle to breastfeed; why don't you just give him a bottle?" A similar phrase is "I'm sure it won't hurt to give him just a little (fill in the blank)".

Did You Request  for Advice?

Ask yourself, "Did I open this door by truly asking for the person's opinion?" before reacting defensively to a comment that sounds like criticism. Is this suggestion being made without being asked?

If the former is true, then realise that you invited the person to express their opinion.

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Vocalize What Kind of Support You Need

When you reach out for assistance and don't get the reaction you were hoping for, it can be difficult. However, when you have specifically asked for someone's opinion, it's best not to blame them for really having one. Instead:

What exactly do you need? If you want someone's opinion but not their help, ask for their support instead.

Possible Response: "Because of this, I've made a decision. I anticipate your disapproval, but all I'm asking for is your _________ [attention, support, lack of criticism, etc.]."

Be open to criticism if you seek counsel: Advice-seeking is putting oneself out there.

Be prepared to face the fact that a loved one may share some upsetting news with you.

Find experts in the field to talk to: When it comes to other problems, various members of your family and circle of friends will prove invaluable resources.

A buddy who is a La Leche League member would be a better resource than a relative who did not breastfeed if you are experiencing poor milk supply.

What's the Intention?

If someone gives you unsolicited advice and it hurts like someone poured lemon juice on a cut, stop for a second and think about whether or not you really want to hear it.

Take the time to get to know the real critic of your parenting skills.

Is it because they actually care about you and your loved ones that they are raising their voices? Did they try to express themselves in a way that was kind and considerate?

Establish Firm Boundaries in Relationships

If they appear to be sincere, you may want to hold back from an aggressive response.

Consider the validity of their suggestions. Accept them as-is, or (kindly) reject them. The advise they give may be less important than their motivations.

You can conclude that the other person is harmful, or that their suggestions, while well-intentioned, are unnecessary.

Set limits with the advice giver if you find you can't let go or disregard their suggestions.

Tell the other person, in the most upbeat tone you can conjure, that you are happy with the way you've been raising your kids thus far and aren't interested in any advise.

Am I Reading Between the Lines?

It's simple to misunderstand someone's words of wisdom at times.

When we receive a gift, we often invest it with significance and meaning that the sender did not intend. When we think back on a conversation, we often rehash it and examine every word that was spoken.

This is especially true in the age of digital communication (Facebook statuses, tweets, texts, and emails).

Even more so, we tend to infer meanings from context that were never intended.

Listen Carefully

Take the time to really listen, especially when talks concern parenting approaches.

Pay close attention to the speaker and check your understanding with verbal and nonverbal cues.

Don't be afraid to ask for clarification if you need it. "What did you intend to say instead? Please provide us with some more detail if you can."

The ability to express yourself clearly and openly can do more good than harm in a relationship.

It's easy to misunderstand someone's comments in an electronic message, so be careful.

The inflection and tone of our loved ones' voices are lost on us.

Either let it go if you see a Facebook status that makes you wonder, "Was that directed at me?" or seek out the individual for a calm, face-to-face talk if an email starts to make your blood boil.

If you were wrong about everything, you may feel some relief.

So, What Does Your Pediatrician Think?

It's inevitable that well-meaning friends and family may throw up advice that goes against what your paediatrician would tell you, whether it's one of the many myths surrounding drinking while breastfeeding or the timing of turning your kid forward-facing in a car seat.

Either Ignore Them or Tell Them

You get to decide what to do in such situations.

Either smile and nod to get them to change the subject, or gently educate them. The ideal approach is contextual and individual.

Some of the more senior members of the family have a tendency to get caught in their ways, saying things like, "Well, when I was a parent..."

An easy "Is that so?" will do, and they can run with it (while knowing your information is more up to date).

One alternative is to just say something like, "Well, nowadays doctors recommend _____, and I am happy with that."

Ask Yourself: Am I Being Defensive?

Finally, stop and ask yourself if there really is no problem with what that person is saying.

Maybe it's too soon to talk about that, or maybe it's the person and not the advise that's bothering you.

As parents, we may resort to our own forms of self-defense. As a result of our frustration with our children's behaviour, we may have a tendency to throw up barriers.

It's also possible to feel like we're under constant attack from loved ones. Suddenly, it seems like everyone is trying to stab us in the heart with their words.

Listen Intently and Maintain a Calm Demeanor

It's challenging, but try listening without feeling the need to defend your parenting style.

The tension in the room can be eased by simply being forthright.

You could explain to a loved one that you're feeling particularly vulnerable right now, or that you'd prefer to receive words of affirmation than advice.

When you feel your temper building as you hear what you believe to be a critique of your parenting skills, take a deep breath and think about the situation before you react.

Taking a moment to collect one's thoughts before responding can help one gain perspective and possibly avoid a contentious situation.

Helpful Tips for New Parents

So, what's the most mature and considerate response to the onslaught of parental advice?

Parents often give advisers the "thinking about it" or similar smile and response when asked about a potential decision.

We narrowed down the possible solutions to only two that worked perfectly.

Because no one ever questions a doctor, the first response was "We will check with his doctor," and the second was "Great!" We responded with "Thanks!" and then completely disregarded it.

Other possible choices are as follows:

• Thanks! That is something we'll have to think about.
• Thanks! We really value your concern for our newborn and want you to know how much we value it.
• Thanks! That's some sound counsel that's clearly been honed through many years of experience.
• Thanks! Oh, wow, that's some serious counsel! (Keep that grin on your face or they won't get your sarcasm.)

It's important for parents to be open to trying out new medical advice, as it may be different from what doctors recommended a decade, two decades, or even three decades ago due to advances in the field.

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