How can you prevent your other children from becoming envious of your new baby? Both approaches have their advantages and disadvantages.
One option is to completely disregard your older child, while the other is to make them feel important in some way.
Even if ignoring the kids' feelings of animosity is the easier route, it can make matters worse in the long run.
The second choice also may appear daunting at first, but by reading this article, you'll learn how to avoid or at least lessen the negative effects on your family and foster happy, long-lasting bonds from the get-go.
Overcoming Jealousy When a New Baby Is Expected
Your oldest child will, without a doubt, need some time to adjust after the birth of a sibling. If they are feeling jealous or left out, try these strategies.Young children often experience anxiety upon the introduction of a new sibling. After all, they've grown accustomed to receiving your complete focus.
It's possible that your young child won't share your enthusiasm for the new addition to the family. Some people have a hard time adjusting, while others welcome the newcomer with open arms. To deal with envy, try these strategies:
You should put the baby's safety first. Your second objective should be to show your elder child how to properly connect with his new brother.
Teaching your toddler well how play with the infant is no different from teaching him anything else. Communicate with him, show him, help lead and encourage him.
Don't really leave the kids alone till you are certain you have accomplished your second objective. It's inconvenient to do so. However, it is essential, if not crucial.
Get Your Toddler Involved
Your toddler may be able to help you feed by handing you the bottle. You can test their cooperation by having them hold the cotton swab as you change their younger sibling's diapers. If your child is fussy in the car, you could try to convince them to sing to their sibling in the back.
Prepare the elder sibling to assist out with the baby by teaching them how to play with and amuse the infant. The older sibling should be allowed to record of the infant and unwrap the baby gifts.
Show him how to properly put socks on a baby. Let him do the dusting. When feasible, offer words of praise and encouragement.
To make your child feel more involved, give them activities to complete. A child's understanding of a problem is likely to be erroneous, so you'll need to steer them in the right direction.
Listen to and validate your child's emotions.
Realize that your child may show unpleasant emotions or behave inappropriately and refrain from correcting them.
Replace it with, "In some ways, being the oldest sibling is the most difficult role in the family. It's natural to have negative emotions like sadness or anger from time to time, and it's also OK to act in ways you didn't intend. To this day, our love for you and desire to see you well have not changed."
The needs of your toddler should sometimes come before your own.
Even if your infant is your top priority all the time, a few instances of putting them second can do wonders for everyone's sanity. Try 'telling' the infant that you need to grab the larger sibling a snack before you can change their diaper.
A playmat is a great place to keep a baby occupied while older siblings engage in dollhouse play. Anything that can prove to them that now now, in this very moment, they are the best there is.
Listen to and value their perspective.
It can make a huge impact if people feel like they are "in it together," and if their opinions are occasionally acknowledged.
Expressions of agreement such as "Yeah, babies did cry a lot, don't they?" You can show them you understand by saying something like, "I bet you wish periodically we would hang out alone," etc.
Parents who engage their children in frequent, two-way conversation are better able to raise resilient offspring who can handle life's stresses. As a result, they are able to fortify their capacity for enduring hardship.
Watch the kids like a hawk whenever they're together. If your older child is getting harsh with their younger sibling, take up the baby and try to distract them with a song, a toy, a game, or a snack.
This preventative measure shields the infant from potential harm while also assisting you in avoiding a barrage of "Nos" that could teach the infant to be aggressive.
Have frequent one-on-one conversations.
Whether if it's just for 10 or 20 minutes a day, try to focus solely on your toddler. Wearing your infant in a sling allows you to keep both hands on your older child as you engage in a game. Plus, while you're feeding, your older child can give you a hug.
Do you feel completely frazzled? Seek for the assistance of a relatives who can watch the baby while you attend to your older child. Or, you may offer to your partner that he or she set aside some quality time to do something special with your child on the weekends, like making waffles or taking them to the movies.
Train People to Touch Gently
You should show the older sibling how to touch the baby's back. Explain how the larger child's touch soothes the newborn and offer praise for a job well done. The youngster will learn healthy ways to interact physically with their baby throughout this lesson.
Do What You Can Right Away
If you notice your child hitting or being rough with the newborn, you must take immediate action. Your stern command may be, "No slapping, time out." Put the youngster in a time out chair and tell them, "You can get up so that you can manage your hands in the proper way." As long that he is careful and kind with the baby, let him get up immediately away. It's not like this is some sort of punishment. The point is to teach him that his rough behaviour is unacceptable.
What a child lives is what they learn. Your older kid will learn from witnessing how you treat the newborn. Your role as a parent is that of the primary educator. You are teaching by example, and your youngster will pick up the most from observing how you handle situations.
Be sure to compliment the elder sibling if you witness them handling the newborn carefully. Highlight the significance of the "elder brother" by making a big deal out of him.
Tell your older child how proud you are of him with a big hug and a kiss.
Give your kid a big hug and some praise when they display good behaviour like waiting quietly while you change their diaper, being helpful by handing you the diaper instead of throwing it across the room, or demonstrating compassion by helping you carry their toys to the bathroom "Mommy, the baby is screaming. Possible hunger on his part " Create a scene, especially in public: "The diaper was quite helpful, therefore I appreciate you giving it to me. The best older sibling ever!"
Give a Present
Amazing baby presents will undoubtedly flood in, and it might be difficult for a young child to wait on the sidelines and watch all of the presents pile up.
Therefore, every once in a while, you should surprise your older youngster with a big-kid present your happen to have on hand. Toys for infants can be found in plenty at My Baby Nursery. A new set of pens and a huge pad, a box of crayons, a book, a puzzle, or even a sheet of adhesive that says, "being a big sib rock" would be great. Let your toddler help unwrap the huge box that your well-meaning friends have brought over to give to the newborn.
Allow your older child to wear in any toys or furniture that your baby is too small to use, such as a doggie lift or a set of bricks.
Please don't evaluate your toddler in terms of a newborn.
It's pointless and counterproductive to ask your adopted sibling why she can't follow more of their younger sibling. Even if you're exhausted and under a lot of pressure, resist the urge. Employ a babysitter to give you some time to yourself and your older kid.
Nothing will help your older child deal with their negative feelings about their younger sibling more than spending time with you. A trip to the park, even if it's short, might help your nursing baby feel like they have your whole focus again when you're unable to leave them for long.
Preschoolers' academic and social development can be shaped by the quality of their home relationships with their parents.
Emphasize the baby's obvious fondness for their older sibling
Your older child can feel that they are contributing to the happiness of their smaller sibling by being told things like, "Look how much they love you" or "They won't stop watching how fantastic you are on your bike."
Children benefit from having parents that are warm, authoritative, and receptive to their needs. If they have more faith in themselves, they will be better able to adapt to the new circumstances.
Keep Toddler Routines as Much as Possible
Toddlers tend to be quite routine-oriented. If they can, even in the first few weeks, get dressed and go to their regular music group, it will do wonders for how they feel.
After all, their lives are being turned upside down right now. Even the little things, like giving them a bedtime tale or having breakfast together, can make a difference. Preschoolers' social and emotional development improves when they take part in routines such as reading or listening to stories.
It may be challenging to arrange activities such as going to early childhood settings, visiting friends, and reading a bedtime story in the first few weeks. Your youngster will feel more secure if you don't deviate from their regular routines.
Keep your wits about you for a while after giving birth to a newborn if you have any toddlers
It would be ideal to leave your kids at home alone and know that they'll be safe, but in the real world, that's just not how things work. You'll need to be close by for a time to ensure that your older child doesn't harm your infant, even unintentionally.
The majority of home accidents involve children younger than four years old. Playing rough like pushing, shoving, and wrestling can lead to many injuries and even accidents. Also, keep an eye out for furniture and televisions being tipped over on infants and toddlers.
Drawer chests may look like the perfect climbing structures for kids, but they're easily tipped over if they're not secured. Toys that are too small, peanuts, and marbles are all examples of things that children can easily ingest, inhale, or choke on.
If your young child insists on cuddling the infant, you can help them out by sitting them on the floor with a cushion underneath.
Expect some hitting and other aggressive behaviour from toddlers
Yes, your toddler will likely turn on the sibling at some point. One study indicated that over half of youngsters (46%) reported being victims of siblings aggression, while nearly a third (35.6%) claimed to having been aggressive themselves. Babies and toddlers often resort to pinching, hitting, or throwing objects at one another. And you'll probably want to yell at them.
However, that was intended all along. Instead of worrying about them, focus on keeping the baby safe, and they will eventually decide it wasn't worth it to bother you again.
Aggression decreases when parents model positive behaviour and foster healthy relationships within the family. Nevertheless, research shows a link between severe parenting and aggressive behaviour in children.
If your eldest child is experiencing feelings of hatred or jealously towards their younger sister, you may want to encourage them to talk about those emotions. These are all very natural feelings, and it would be healthier for them to be expressed openly.
Watch Your Words
Do not place all of the blame on the infant. The infant is napping, so we'll have to skip the park. "Shush, you don't want to wake the baby." Once I've changed the baby, I'll come help you.
Your kid would probably give up and sell the baby at this time. Justify your actions with some other motive. To paraphrase: "I have a lot on my plate right now." We'll get going soon after lunch. "Give me three minutes and I'll be able to assist you."
Recognize your child's internal experiences, such as "The arrival of a new baby has certainly shaken up the household. All of us need time to adjust to this new normal." Stop saying things like, "I bet you detest the new baby." You should probably go with something like, "It must be challenging to have Mama spending so much time with both the baby." You probably wish we could visit the park right now instead of waiting for the baby to wake up:
Your child will be less likely to resort to bad behaviour to earn your attention when she realises you share her feelings.
Give Extra Love
Make an effort to show your child more affection by doing special things for them. 5 Spend more time reading or playing a game, giving and receiving hugs, and saying "I love you." Regressions or behavioural issues that only last temporarily usually respond well to extra time and care.
Making Each Feel Special
Do not compare your siblings, even in seemingly innocuous ways, such as their birth weight, when they began crawling or walking, or who has more hair. This kind of feedback can come seen as criticism to a child.
Relax and take a big breath. Everyone in the household needs to make some adjustments at the moment. To concentrate on the immediate priority of adjusting to your larger family, you should cut back on non-essential activities and slacken your cleanliness standards.
Dealing With Specific Behavior Issues
When toilet training or transitioning to a toddler bed, your child may encounter setbacks or relapse to younger-child behaviours like thumb sucking. Keep in mind that this is a symptom of stress as well as an attempt to attract your focus.
Take the time to be more patient and empathetic. And if at all possible, begin major adjustments like weaning or toilet training well in advance of the arrival of the infant.
Acting Rough With the Baby.
In an effort to show his or her displeasure with the infant, your youngster may resort to physical force. Don't resort to punishment, but make it quite obvious that hunting is strictly forbidden. Encourage your child to find alternative methods to show his or her frustration, such as sketching a picture of oneself angry or roaring like a lion.
When people feel like they don't belong somewhere, they tend to feel anxious. In addition to making time for your older child, it's important to encourage him to share his thoughts and feelings with you.
Reassure him, and let him know that he is not alone in wanting life to return to as it was before the baby.
Tips for Older Kids
Set up some play dates.
Children in elementary school likely have a small group of close friends and possibly a long-term babysitter or nanny. Plan some additional time for your kid to hang out with them if possible. Maybe you could schedule a trip to the movies or the ice skating rink. In addition to the fun he'll have, your adolescent will likely feel more at ease in his own skin when he's with his friends.
If at all possible, maintain your regular schedule.
Maintaining some semblance of order in the midst of the chaos of a new baby's arrival can help your older child feel more secure and relaxed. Make sure your child keeps as much of his regular routines as possible, such as getting up and going to bed at the exact same time each day as before the arrival of a new sibling.
Request Assistance With Baby-Related Duties.
You may have your kid help you out by putting the diapers away after use or by bringing you a blanket or bottle. Your older sibling can even pitch in with tasks like burping, bathing, and dressing the newborn when you feel he is ready. The addition of new duties is sure to make him feel accomplished.
Remember That it Won't Last Forever.
A young child's jealousy of a newborn sibling may seem like an endless phase. However, it will in the end, just like the rest of them. Before you knowing it, they'll be inseparable. Keep in mind that having a sibling is beneficial to the development of your newborn or toddler on a social and emotional level as well. To satisfy all your infant's nursery furnishing and equipment demands, browse our selection.
How to Get Over Jealousy When a Baby Is on the Way. After the birth of a sibling, it may take some time for your eldest kid to acclimatise. While others readily accept the newcomer, some have trouble adjusting. How to deal with envy from a sibling is discussed. In its place, you should provide words of praise and encouragement and find ways to get them involved.
Strong children are the result of parents who take the time to have meaningful one-on-one interactions with their kids on a regular basis. You must take swift action if you see your youngster hitting or being rough with the infant. You can play a game with your older child while still keeping an eye on your baby if you use a sling to carry the younger one. Your child will learn the most from watching how you handle difficult situations, so be sure to provide a good example. The quality of a child's home life with his or her parents can have a significant impact on the child's academic and social growth during preschool.
Sometimes, it's fun to give your older kid a present that's more appropriate for a much older child. Get a sitter so you can spend time with your older child alone. Participation in routines like reading and listening to stories benefits preschoolers' social and emotional growth. Things that kids can easily consume, inhale, or choke on include toys that are too small, peanuts, and stones. Watch out for toddlers and infants getting crushed by falling TVs and furniture.
Parents can help reduce aggression in their children by setting a good example and promoting positive interactions among family members. It has been shown through studies that youngsters whose parents are harsh are more likely to act aggressively. Your oldest child may benefit from talking about their negative feelings they have towards their younger sister. You might be able to hone in on what really matters in life if you cut back on the trivial and relax your standards of cleanliness. Your older child may feel less isolated if he or she hears from others that they long for pre-baby routines as well.
Elementary school kids usually have a tight-knit circle of pals and maybe even a regular babysitter. If at all feasible, try to arrange for more time for your child to spend with them. When you think your infant is ready for help with things like burping, bathing, and clothing, ask for it.
- Respect and acknowledge your child's feelings.
- Try this instead: "Being the elder sibling might be one of the most trying jobs there is.
- You can play a game with your older child while still keeping an eye on your baby if you use a sling to carry the younger one.
- Get a friend or family member to watch the infant while you take care of the elder child.
- Raise Awareness of the Importance of Gentle Touch
- It's important to teach the elder sibling how to properly care for a baby by touching the back.
- That's why it's nice to occasionally throw your older kid a curve by giving them a present more fitting for an adult.
- Don't judge your toddler using standards meant for a baby.
- Get a sitter so you can spend time with your older child alone.
- Spending time with you will do more than anything to assist your older child cope with their negative thoughts about their smaller sibling.
- If you also have young children, it's important to maintain your composure for a while after giving birth to a newborn.
- It's a pipe dream to think you can leave your kids at home alone and not worry about their safety, but that's not how it works in the real world.
- Share some extra affection
- Try to do extra special things for your kid as a way to express your love for them.
- The whole family will have to make some compromises right now.
- Make an effort to be more understanding and patient.
- Aside from just spending time with your adolescent, it's crucial that you encourage him to talk about what's on his mind.
- Set up some play dates.
- If at all feasible, try to arrange for more time for your child to spend with them.
- Remember that having a sibling is good for your child's emotional and social growth as well, especially if they are a newborn or toddler.
- Shop our extensive collection of nursery furniture and accessories to meet your every need.
FAQs About Sibling Jealousy
Siblings may be jealous of and harbor resentment toward one another. The main causes of sibling rivalry are lack of social skills, concerns with fairness, individual temperaments, special needs, parenting style, parent's conflict resolution skills and culture.
Sibling rivalry affects almost all families – one study suggested that it can occur as often as 8 times an hour. However, it has also been noted that it tends to be less intense in larger families than small ones. This is because in larger families, power (and parental attention) is more evenly distributed
The effects of sibling rivalry can be felt beyond the siblings themselves. Often, they affect the whole family. Parents, in particular, feel frustration and stress when their children fight. Constant bickering can take its toll on everyone close enough to hear it.
There is not one root cause for someone's jealous behaviors or feelings, but there are a few reasons why someone might feel this way, including insecurity, past history, or fear of loss. Jealousy can be triggered by these and might create tensions within your relationships.
Jealousy may be driven by low self-esteem or a poor self-image. If you don't feel attractive and confident, it can be hard to truly believe that your partner loves and values you. Other times, jealousy can be caused by unrealistic expectations about the relationship.