my child so disobedient (3)

Why Is My Child So Disobedient?

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    The problem child has been disobedient for a long time. Disobedient children. Every kid acts defiant occasionally when their parents tell them to do something. Testing the limits set by your elders is a natural part of maturing.

    It's a means for youngsters to find their own identities, develop their own feeling of independence, and express their uniqueness.

    Children learn the limits of their parents' regulations and their own self-control as they spread their wings and have their first tiny confrontations with them.

    Nonetheless, there are occasions when these disagreements become more than fleeting irritants and instead establish themselves as a regular part of the dynamic between parents and children.

    There may be several factors at play when a child acts disobediently. Unfortunately, this is sometimes the result of overbearing parents.

    Or it can be related to the person ’s attitude, scholastic troubles, household stress, or conflicts with his parents.

    It occurs whether your children are infants or adolescents. Similarly, we are not above breaking the rules. For example, if we let our child be tardy to school for the third or fourth time this week, we might intentionally go a little bit (or a lot) faster than the official speed limit sign.

    When we break the rules, we often rationalise our actions by saying we were in the right at the time. On the other hand, when our children are harmed, we automatically attribute it to bad behaviour on their part.

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    What Parents Can Do

    If your child is always defiant, it's important to figure out what's bothering him.

    If this is a pattern that has persisted into the tween years, it's time to take a hard look at your family life.

    • How well do members of your family treat one another?
    • Do they treat one another with dignity and esteem?
    • How does your family resolve disagreements?
    • Do individuals typically argue or turn to violence, or do they use communication to work out their differences?
    • How do you typically interact with your kid, and how do you typically enforce rules?
    • When it comes to spanking and shouting, how often does it occur?
    • Is there tension for both you and your child since you two couldn't be more different?
    • Do you find that your kid has a hard time making friends or thriving in school?
    • Is everyone in the family going through a very difficult moment right now?

    Tell your child that you have observed a change in his conduct and that you believe he is unhappy or suffering if he has just lately begun to show disrespect and disobedience.

    Get him to help you zero in on why exactly he's so irritated. Towards other words, this is the very first step in getting him to alter his ways.

    When Defiance Isn't What It Seems

    A child's seeming resistance may simply be the result of their being too engrossed in what they're doing at the moment to pay attention to what you're saying. The first step in fixing your child's bad behaviour is figuring out why he or she is acting that way.

    An antisocial personality disorder, or ODD, may be present when a child's defiant behaviour lasts for an extended period of time and causes problems in their daily lives, such as at home, school, and with their peers. When a kid has oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), they may exhibit defiant behaviours like temper tantrums or violence that are out of line with their age.

    It's very uncommon for kids with ODD to simultaneously struggle with things like depression, anxiety, and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Talk to your patient's doctor or guidance counsellor at school if you have concerns that you child may have oppositional defiant disorder.

    Why Is My Child So Difficult?

    One common concern among parents of young children is that they don't understand why their child is being so spoiled.

    "Why can't my kid take after my nice and peaceful niece?"

    "Why is it always my son who is the one to say no and get so agitated?"

    Your child may have specific reasons for acting out and being difficult to handle, and it's natural to want to know why.

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    Lack of Authority

    It's important to remember that kids aren't exactly in the driver's seat when it comes to their daily routines.

    Most children have their days planned out for them, from the time they wake up to when they eat to what they wear to when they do their homework or play outside to when they go to sleep at night.

    They surf the wave of authoritative parenting without a hitch, with some even welcoming the guidance. Other children, especially those who have distinct personalities and viewpoints, find this degree of "management" to be stifling and frustrating. How else can a small toddler show his unhappiness than to persistently ignore or argue with adults?

    Knowledge of Languages and Personality

    Because of their limited vocabulary, young children and toddlers often experience frustration when trying to express themselves.

    Since kids are still learning to express themselves, rage, disobedience, and impatience may seem like the only options when they are feeling helpless and out of control, and they are beginning to interact with their parents and teachers.

    A child's stubbornness may also result from the forceful nature with which they were endowed. In any family tree, there is bound to be at least one resolute individual

    Are You Finding It Weird?

    Remember that your child is still developing, and that this stage of disobedience may be temporary. In other children, the pattern of defiance may fit the criteria for Oppositional Defiant Disorder

    Instances where a child repeatedly shows signs of anger, irritability, argumentativeness, defiance, or vindictiveness are all indicative of oppositional defiant disorder in children.

    Such traits may manifest in a kid who has frequent outbursts of anger, is easily upset, and shows resentment and hostility against individuals in his immediate environment.

    In particular, the child with ODD will blame others for his behaviour while arguing with authority figures, refusing to comply with regulations or requests, and annoying others on purpose.

    Your first thought upon reading this description might be, "My child carries out all of that!" You would be right to point out that most kids do these sorts of things at some point.

    Your child may periodically refuse to perform chores, tease her younger brother, or be furious at you in the moment for calling her out on bad behaviour, but whether or not this is part of a pattern is what really matters.

    Parents should adopt the same approach with a child who has Oppositional Defiant Disorder as they would with a child who simply has a difficult temperament.

    Causes Of Child Disobedience 

    It May Not Be Defiance at All

    All children, as we said before, are disobedient. That is not an indication of a serious problem, as it is very typical. That's because there's a chance your kid isn't paying attention for a good reason. Consider the scenario where your four-year-old refuses to join you for supper after you've called them several times.

    You tried calling again three times until you eventually exploded with anger and stormed upstairs.

    Your daughter is putting away a game she just playing when you find her in her closet. She's so upset that she's actually crying because she didn't work out how to pack the game by herself.

    You've been working with her recently on the need of tidying up after playtime. For this reason, your level of frustration drops precipitously, and you feel awful about your anger.

    The most beneficial thing you can do is to convey positive support by praising her for cleaning up before dinner.

    But there needs to be a clear reinforcement after the praise: you answer the phone or come to the door whenever Dad or Mommy call.

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    Surprising Reasons Children Disobey

    However, what should you do if your kid wilfully disobeys a lot of your requests? This can be very discouraging, and it demands us, as parents, to investigate further. We need to start by investigating your kid's misbehaviour and its root reasons. Again, you may be surprised by these, and it may cause you to rethink your method to discipline.

    You and your partner need to work on your connection

    On the surface, it might not appear or feel like your connection with your child leaves something to be desired, but in many cases, that's exactly what's causing tension. Both parents and children have an innate desire to make their parents happy.

    A loss of trust or rapport, though, can cause a child to act out. If you feel like you've lost touch with your children, try scheduling some daily one-on-one time. This can take the form of simple conversation or the sharing of an enjoyable activity.

    Establishing a strong bond of trust and affection with your child takes time and effort. As parents, we should make nurturing our relationships with our kids a major priority.

    A Lack of Definable Boundaries

    If you don't set limits and expectations for your child's behaviour, he'll spend a lot of time exploring the limits you have set.

    He's probing, not for the sake of vexation, but rather to find out where he stands. But this can make a parent worry that their youngster is always pushing boundaries.

    As parents, we need to set those positive precedents for our kids right away. This is an ongoing responsibility that may always be improved upon with gentle reminders. Teaching and modelling appropriate behaviour, no matter how often you have to do so, is considerably less of a time commitment than constantly correcting the bad ones.

    Permanent Classification

    This is a major issue for modern parents, since we are constantly bombarded with suggestions for "labels and names" to apply to our children without stopping to think whether or not they are accurate. As parents, we're held back by the stigma of being labelled.

    Labels such as "bad twos," "brat teen," and "strong-willed child" make it harder for us to use our own parenting agency.

    For instance, if we allow ourselves to believe that all babies at the age of two are dreadful, we will be prepared to hide out until it is finished. The voyage itself is the reward, so we give up trying to find a way out of the situation. Literally every mother has trouble dealing with her teenager.

    We've chosen not to accept the stereotypes about children, and it turns out that raising a child to meet a parent's expectations is the best way to ensure that they are met. That's because I set a very high bar for my children and made decisions based on the assumption that they would follow my lead.

    Expectations from children will always be exceeded.

    Exists Stress or Tension

    If there is tension in the family because of continual arguing or financial concerns that spill through into your child's life, they can compartmentalise this as stress causing children to act out.

    Because they lack knowledge of how factors influence the mind and body, they are often perplexed as to why their behaviour is the way it is. Also, if your kid is feeling overwhelmed by things like schoolwork or extracurricular commitments, they may act out by getting into mischief. Consciously monitoring our kid's stress levels via regular conversation is a must.

    Regular check-ins and frank discussions will reassure your youngster that they have support from you.

    If you recognise yourself in any of these scenarios and are feeling overwhelmed, try not to be too hard on yourself.

    Parenting is quite challenging. Yet, if you consistently take steps forwards, you will soon notice a marked improvement.

    What to Do If Your Kid Willfully Disobeys You

    Finding the root causes of a child's disobedience is the first step in effectively dealing with the problem. A concentration on punishment rather than totality.

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    This may not necessarily stop his defiance at this point in his development, but it will prevent it from growing into a more severe problem as he gets older.

    Don't Jump the Gun.

    When a child has a challenging temperament or is diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, it's common for parents to project into the future and create a bleak outlook for their child.

    When your child consistently displays negative emotions, such as sadness, anger, or irritability, it can be easy to give up on trying to change his or her attitude or behaviour.

    Despite how difficult it may be, try to keep your feet on the ground and go on to the next step rather than ruminating over how your child may wind up jobless and living under a bridge cause he won't take no for an answer.

    Remember to focus on the positive aspects of your kid.

    One of the hardest things a parent will ever have to do is deal with a disobedient child.

    It's challenging, draining, and disheartening at times, so keep in mind that you can always find something lovable, kind, or charming about them, even if it seems like a leap on a given day.

    Understanding that your child sees the world in a unique way is not the same as justifying their behaviour.

    Parents with children with challenging behaviours can easily lose sight of their own inherent goodness when caught up in the day-to-day challenges of raising such a child.

    Each day or week, make an effort to find evidence that confirms your child's finest qualities rather than their worst.

    The day your kid was nice to his sister, for example, or the time your daughter chose to say "thank you" instead of a curt retort are examples.

    It could be as simple as them packing up the dishes without being asked to, or as complex as them taking responsibility for their actions instead of passing the buck.

    Remind your kid that you're paying attention by saying something like, "Thank you for the thoughtful response. I appreciate it." Another way of saying this is "I appreciate you keeping your cool." Keep in mind that it is the child's actions, and not the child, that you may dislike.


    When instructed to perform anything by their parents, all children will occasionally behave disobedient. It's a part of growing up to push against the boundaries set by your parents and other adults. Problems with his parents can stem from a variety of sources, including the child's own outlook and behaviour, as well as academic difficulties, domestic tensions, and family arguments. When a child's defiant behaviour continues for an extended period of time and interferes with their everyday life, it may be indicative of an antisocial personality disorder, or ODD. Temper tantrums and acts of aggression are not age-appropriate, but may be seen in children with oppositional defiant disorder.

    Kids aren't in charge of their own schedules, therefore adults should take the lead. In some kids, disobedience seems to follow a pattern that fits the profile of ODD. An angry child is a child with oppositional defiant disorder. Your child might not be listening to you because they have good reason not to. A child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder should be treated in the same way as one with a challenging temperament by their parents.

    Let's start by trying to understand what's motivating their bad behaviour. Your youngster will spend a lot of time testing the waters if you don't establish some rules and boundaries for him to follow. There is an immediate need for us to establish good examples for our children. It takes a lot less time to teach and model good behaviour than it does to address inappropriate behaviour. The first step in properly addressing a child's disobedience is identifying and addressing the underlying issues.

    If you want to be a good parent, you need to focus on discipline rather than on your child as a whole. If any of these descriptions seem familiar and you're feeling overwhelmed, it's important to be kind with yourself. It's tempting to give up on your child's attitude or behaviour when they exhibit negative emotions like despair, anger, or irritation. Always remember to highlight your child's strengths. Seek for daily or weekly examples that support your child's best attributes.

    Content Summary

    • The problem child has a history of disobedience.
    • When a youngster acts disobediently, there could be a number of causes.
    • Similar to them, we are not above disobeying regulations.
    • Understanding your child's negative behaviour and its root causes is the first step in modifying it.
    • If you think your child may have oppositional defiant disorder, discuss your concerns with his or her doctor or the school's guidance counsellor.
    • Keep in mind that children may not have complete control over their daily schedules.
    • When observed in other children, this pattern of disobedience may meet the diagnostic criteria for Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
    • ODD is present when a youngster demonstrates persistent negative emotions towards authority figures, such as anger, impatience, argumentativeness, defiance, or vindictiveness.
    • The first step is to determine the causes of your child's bad behaviour.
    • A child will spend a lot of time testing the waters if you don't establish boundaries and expectations for his actions.
    • If any of these descriptions seem familiar and you're feeling overwhelmed, it's important to be kind with yourself.
    • The first step in properly addressing a child's disobedience is identifying and addressing the underlying issues.
    • See our piece on the best baby bedding to ensure a peaceful night's sleep.
    • Always remember to highlight your child's strengths.
    • Try to remember that it's the kid's behaviour, not the kid, that you might have issues with.

    FAQs About Disobedient Child

    A disobedient child may eventually become arrogant, disrespectful, or start lying without a conscience. Try an empathetic approach and calmly explain the consequence of their words and actions while setting down some firm rules.

    Disobedience can have a variety of causes. At times, it is due to unreasonable parental expectations. Or it might be related to the child's temperament, or to school problems, family stress, or conflicts between his parents.

    For a utilitarian the punishment of civil disobedience might, primarily, be useful if it protected the members of society from harm by deterring further violations of the law.

    Even the best-behaved children can be difficult and challenging at times. But oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) includes a frequent and ongoing pattern of anger, irritability, arguing and defiance toward parents and other authority figures.

    Commit publicly. When things get tough, remind yourself of your motivation. Focus on it. It'll pull you along — that's more powerful than trying to focus on the push of discipline.

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